You’re probably in the middle of posting something to instagram or trying to decide which dress with a certain shape (probably polk-a-dot) to wear tomorrow or the rest of the week. I’ll just get to the meat and potatoes, I have a punch list of things that I’m going to need you to stop doing: a cease and desist is more of an appropriate term at the moment:
1. Stop singing. I’ve purchased two of your CD’s and they’re constantly on replay. One of your songs is my ringtone and I miss the call every time because you’re song is more important than the call.
2. Stop dressing so snazzy. You have developed your own swagger, Fergie would say it best that no chickens are jockin’ your style. (Totes not true, people are jockin’ your style)
3. Stop showing up on my television screen, you make my stomach hurt. “New Girl” is a hilarious show and your subtle one liners are too much for me to handle.
4. Stop making movies. They’re too much for me to handle as well, I find myself watching one of your movies 3 times during the work week.
5. You’re adorkable, cut it out. The mix of your sense of humor and traffic stopping good looks (especially those beautiful eyes) are absolutely breath-taking.
I hope you don’t take my constructive criticism too harsh, take it as friendly suggestions. If you follow these steps, it’ll prevent me from falling in love with you…but it might be too late.
Justin M. Bournes